I don't want anything from you, I just want my life back.

I told myself I would whine about the car accident on here but, I can't help it. Because of it, because of what's happened to me because of it, my life has changed significantly and I wouldn't really say it's "for the better." I plan things, I organized, I prioritize, and this last quarter especially, was packed full. Everything is spilling everywhere. Most days, my only goal is to not loose it in front of others.

The thing that has been driving me the craziest though is the nonsense of dealing with lawyers and insurance agents. I'm so sick of talking to them. I know they're just doing their job, but seriously? Leave me alone. There's nothing you can do for me that will make anything easier right now. There's nothing you can give me. Unless you have powers beyond my knowledge, you can't help me. Because honestly what I want is...

I want to be able to dance again. I always used to tell people that the reason I loved dance so much was because it was mine. Most days it was the only thing that could make me happy and no one could ever take it from me. Well, I guess I was wrong. You're client, the at fault driver, she's taken it away from me. The only thing that keeps me sane is gone right now. If you could find a way to have that returned I'd really appreciate it.

I want my senior year back. I wouldn't have minded not going to grad nite if I had been the one to decide, but I didn't go because I couldn't.

I want to not miss class all the time. I feel so stupid because I never know what's going on in my classes because every single day I'm off to some doctors appointment. I'm probably going to fail a couple classes 4th quarter because I'm never in class to learn the material, I'm never in class to take tests, and I can't ever stay after school to make up anything.

I want to be able to be confident going into my AP exams. I have a doctors note to get me out of them because I'm not supposed to be sitting like that for long periods of time but who in their right mind would try telling their teacher that they're just not going to take the exam? I'll be kid in the library this Thursday and next Wednesday, crying, not because I'm afraid of an AP exam or because I don't know the material, but because I'll in so much pain and I'll have a headache so strong I won't be able to see my test.

I want to be able to go to school, or anywhere for that, not on a prescription pain killer. I'm so sick of them. But of course, if I don't take them, I get to throw up at school because I'm in so much pain.
P.S. I think all of the lovely 10th graders in my Spanish class think that I'm pregnant thanks to a nice puking episode the week after the accident. Do you think you could take time out of your day to explain to them that I'm not?

I don't really like school functions but I'd really like to be able to go to prom and not worry about the amount of pain I'm in and fear that I may be bumped into on the dance floor. There are plenty of crying girls at prom and the reason for my tears wouldn't really fit in with theirs. Also, my dress doesn't fit right now because my back is so swollen. Not because I'm gaining weight, I'm actually loosing...but the swelling in my back (all over) has added a nice 3 inches...3 inches!

I'm not excited for Golden Herald because I'm afraid of falling on stage even though I'll be wearing flats.

I didn't plan this into the 4th quarter of my senior year. I also didn't plan to spend the summer before I go off to college, learning how to walk again.

I don't hate your client, I don't wish that she would die, I don't plan on threatening her. Once all of my medical bills are taken care of, no money that you can try and give me would fix anything.

I want my life back. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to feel like I have at least a little bit of control again. I want to not pass out or fall at graduation. Can you give me that?

I don't think so.

The only thing you can do for me is maybe tell your client how I'm doing. Maybe, let her know what I'm going though. Remind the sophomore that this is my senior year.

If her totaled Pontiac isn't a sign that she should stop texting while she drives, maybe letting her know how everyone else is doing could be. But you can't of course...that's illegal.